Meeting my nephew at Toronto Sick Kids Hospital for first time

May 20, 2009 is a day I'll never forget. Though I didn't find out anything until the next day. I was at Fred Victor Shelter on Caledonia in Toronto. My birthday was the following Monday. I had just came in from a walk with my then boyfriend. I noticed a note on the window of the staff office for me. That almost never happened. I asked for it. My mom wanted me to call her. That almost never happened. Staff came out and explained my mom asked that I call  with staff. That was weird. But I called in the office. No answer. I left a message. I went for a walk to the nearest payphone cuz I figured she'd answer. I was right. She asked if I was sitting down. I looked around. No seat. So I squatted. Told her I was sitting. Then she told me something had happened. I immediately thought my sister had gotten into trouble. Or my niece was hurt. Then she told me to be quiet. Then she said Shane (my nephew) at 2 months old had been rushed to Toronto SickKids hospital the night before. We talked about the events leading up to the incident and my sisters irresponsibilities in raising a child and started coming up with theories. I went numb. I began crying hysterically. I walked back to the shelter almost getting hit by oncoming traffic because I was crying too hard to be able to see. When my boyfriend saw me he let me have a moment in the outdoor smoking area then approached me. The minute he grabbed me from behind I crumbled and instantly tears turned to anger towards my sister. My mom had a room at the hospital to monitor family visits especially my sister and his father. I was introduced to my nephew for the first time on May 27, 2009. Seeing him try to fight with the machines around him....I can't....I can't describe it. I learned my sisters foster brother was charged. It wasn't until 2011 when I got the call that after continually searching the crime scene the police charged my sisters friends boyfriend, who, conveniently for me, stupid for him, revealed some extremely incriminating details during the trial of the foster brother that troubled me and made me think he'd done it but I didn't want to interfere. This incident is what damaged my  visions of the family I longed for. Forever. And I'm damaged. Forever.