YWCA Toronto: I Can't Do This Alone

The back and forth behaviors of YWCA Toronto,how they speak with me, get me to do things they should be doing, along with the broken promises that get shoved aside in hopes I forget all need  politicians to monitor them and ensure the things I am asking for are legit, within their mandate and get done. I am not a walking consent form, I shouldn't have to share what they can easily find out for themselves but choose not to. Before I shared stuff on social media Valentines Day weekend, they told me they needed 2 weeks notice if I wanted someone attending meetings with me, but the Tuesday after, I was called for an impromptu meeting and couldn't bring anyone in short notice. Then the manager cornered me, and made me feel like she was punishing me as if I were her employee. All while one worker wasn't there despite several times telling me both workers had to be present for meetings. They also at one point kicked my brother out to meet in my apartment, then a worker brought her kid after saying a city councillor couldn't attend a meeting. They mocked my drinking on my property. They got into the lobby without me letting them in another time despite my wishes and after discussing, they saw I was upset so they were gonna cancel and bring it up at a later scheduled meeting. From the 2 weeks in between the toddler and next visit, there was no interaction whatsoever and when I inquired, all I got told was they were visiting other clients in the area. I learned last October my grocery store across the street was closing and immediately told YWCA, who still haven't found and put in place a solution to safely obtain groceries. I asked about a fire extinguisher and first aid kit and was told because of my love of social media I could look up myself how to obtain them. I've also tried asking them to help write a list of things to buy for my apartment, but they put that on my plate. The excuse is usually its not within the program mandate. At one point, I wanted to secretly record meetings but upon meeting, they inquired if I purchased one but still played the part. I never have holiday plans or dinners to attend so I ask that they ensure I have all I need before going home for the long weekends but they don't check my food supply. Referrals are usually me calling while they watch. Lise from MPP Eric Hoskins constituency office was the only one allowed so far to sit in on a meeting. The white erase board in their office used to have clients names and tasks to do with them on it. I knew mine by the issues listed. They claim the names were coded. My issues never got erased while others did. Then they wrote solutions to my problem on the board and didn't erase it until I freaked out. Not to mention attending a trip with the whole shelter to Centre Island and after noticing an intoxicated client, my worker told me to keep quiet. They claim they provide case management. I bring them housing related case management issues yet I am working my ass off risking my health in the process ensuring it gets done while they tend to other clients and get rewarded with a pay cheque. I could go on but if interested, let me know @politicalnative on Twitter

My Problems with OPGT

1. How am I, with a shunt, unable to lift and carry things up sets of stairs, because workers haven't bothered to find supports, supposed to buy enough food with $110 weekly because asking for extra allowance for groceries is either met with a wait for a few days to receive it or I'm told my weekly allowance is for groceries and everything else then sometimes the answer flips?!?!?!
2. Not to mention my one post about my SIN card.

OPGT MARCH 28, 2014

In January 2013, I moved one floor lower in my building,and misplaced my SIN Card in the process. I immediately reported it missing to my Public Guardian and Trustee, who said once moving costs were taken care of, they'd fill out and send an application for a replacement. Over time I inquired but 1. She was hard to get a hold of, and 2. All I did manage to get were excuses so I stopped. Then my YWCA housing workers asked her for a copy of my SIN card and she faxed it over (both knew how I felt about communication and being kept in form and paper trails,yet I knew nothing until recently) Mid January my now previous trustee told me it was in and it would remain there. For safe keeping. Then January 27, 2014 she called me wanting to meet with me,but didn't specify why. I arrived Friday afternoon to her office to find another trustee with her. I was then told it was my new rep. I inquired about the SIN card in the meeting and was again told that it was on file. So about 2 weeks later,when I tried getting a phone with Fido, I was asked for my SIN card,but when I asked my new trustee, I was told the only thing on file was a copy. I reminded her of what the previous trustee said and she told me my previous previous trustee signed it out, but that I must have it. Fast forward to this week, March 24-28 and Monday, after leaving team lead and area manager voicemails which never got responses from,current rep was still saying the same thing,so I informed Minister Hoskins constituency office and Ontario Ombudsman's office, who then called OPGT. I also tried management, and got nothing. Wednesday, after growing increasingly impatient, I visited the reception of OPGT, who provided me Service Canada's number to find out if OPGT had actually sent in an application on my behalf, and when Denise confirmed my fears that they hadn't, I was not pleased. In my conversation with PGT reception, I mentioned my current trustee told me once I get my status card I'll get a new trustee, and he said she may not have understood what I meant but that I wouldn't be getting a new worker. Thursday, I heard nothing from trustee office, but Ombudsman's office left me a message. Today, I went down to College Park Service kiosk but decided to check messages. I called Ombudsman's office. I was told that yes, no application was sent, and they were going to inquire about the new worker. I wanted to know if there was anything Toronto Police could do so I went over, and they called to enforce the issue and inform PGT that they were aware, and would be kept in the loop. I then went to Aboriginal Legal Services to inform them, and learned Fido doesn't need SIN cards as proof of ID, and they issued a letter stating that, and I signed consent for communication so they could talk to PGT and the Ombudsman's office to determine the best course of action, and reported what I'd done to Police,and my contact at Ombudsman's office called so I updated her, and she was pleased, even more so because I had Police enforce that PGT management needed to return my calls, which they claim they never got. I spoke to my rep and my application was sent in today and Aboriginal Legal is hoping to work with Ombudsman's office staff to ensure I get the card despite the cut off deadline as it was beyond my control. And they are also hoping to work with them on the best possible course of action to address the unprofessional ways OPGT chose to handle this situation.

Suicide

I was reminded earlier today of the effects of committing suicide when trying to return home from my shopping trip and instead of catching the train, I had to catch a shuttle bus. While people scrambled to get on the 4 buses I patiently let fill up before getting on safely, word of a person committing suicide was spreading as the cause for the shuttle buses. But as I listened, people weren't sympathetic, they were inconsiderate, like usual, which normally doesn't affect me. But this is a perfect example as to why suicides occur. I'm no saint, and love my phone just as much as everyone else, but I also balance everything. I see things from all perspectives. I don't turn away if someone needs help. I don't know any of the details behind the tragedy today, but I don't need to. With the reactions I saw today, I think back to my choice of harming myself which was slicing my wrist in my apartment while alone, and compared it to this incident where people saw it happen, people were affected,who were strangers. My attempt, I didn't want attention, mainly because I know with suicide and the reason behind it, it was pointless as I already pointed out, and with this incident I feel the person was so distressed and not taken seriously so to pay back they ended their pain for others to see. What angers me is how people were more focused on getting on a shuttle bus instead of why the buses were being used yet these same people, if something in their world distressed them, they'd want us to stop for them. Instead now if they had friends or family, they are possibly grieving. Maybe mental health was a factor, maybe not. Nobody knows. But the bigger picture is, not giving a damn when even a stranger commits suicide and pushing and shoving to get on a bus because this tragedy derailed the usual trip but yet you still go on and share similar thoughts that I'm expressing now trying to make YOU look good. I am writing this because YOU need to stop judging, criticizing, bullying, manipulating, etc and work together, love, appreciate, help, and end all this negativity. It should never be about looks, wealth, culture, etc. Articles like this shouldn't tell you how you should be nice, considerate, have a heart, and the fact that common sense isn't so common shouldn't come from our mouths as casual as it does daily. What are you doing for your friends,family,coworkers,neighbors,etc to ensure their health and wellbeing are being looked after?? What are you doing to help others in need out so that you feel good and they are looked after and happy?? You probably have a home, a vehicle, a family, nice clothes, decent food, a job and money so why not put these luxuries some may not have to good use?? If you are judged for it, who the hell cares?? You took care of something in a good and positive way. If people have a problem with that, ask them how they'd feel if someone committed suicide because nobody cared about them enough to help them so they didn't feel that way and make them see that the best pay isn't money!! Sex, money, drugs, alcohol all have one thing in common: they aren't worth everything they paint themselves out to be. They cause some major problems that sometimes lead to suicide. But should you choose to read this and give this the same treatment as the individual who took their life, I feel bad for your inner circle of family and friends.

R.I.P. Daina December 5th, 1996

Daina, you were taken so young, so soon. You were my dearest best friend. We did so much together. Celebrated so many milestones together. We laughed until we cried. We fought. We did it all. Then you moved away without any explanation. It was a hard adjustment. And although I learned to move on, I never forgot you. I always held hope that you would return. As years went on, and the more complicated my life became, I remember I would take the Vigon's dog out for walks because even back then I knew I connected with nature, and I remember walking and looking up into the sky and asking Creator to bring my best friend back to me and each day after, I carried on. When you were planning on moving back, I remember we had a school assembly and teachers told us of your cancer, and the reason you were moving back. Because I was not in the same class as those we once shared classes with, teachers allowed me to sit in on the assembly. I cried, but more than anything my determination for answers wanted to know why you didn't tell me you were moving, or why you didn't tell me you had cancer. I can't recall how long you were here again before you weren't, but I remember I was one of those students who was poking fun but I did it because I didn't understand and humor was my way of coping. The weekend before you passed, the guilt over poking fun about your cancer ate me up inside and February 10, after talking to our circle of friends, I vowed to apologize and talk to you to understand more, to be your friend until the end. When I got to school that Monday morning, the halls were quiet, the energy was calm, but like hospitals after or before someone has died, and walking out for recess, I saw groups of friends gathered together crying and although I thought it was strange, I went searching for our friends who were also crying, and hugging each other. "Nadia, there's no easy way to tell you this...we've been trying to find the best way..." was how they started. Naturally, I didn't take the news well, and the "cool" kids watched our friends tell me and they approached me. I finally got the strength to admit that I was ready to apologize and talk to you but now it was too late. Elsewhere on the same playground, my brother, despite being in high school, and had driven to my school once your brother, who was his best friend, told him, came looking for me to take me home. I went home, sat with the dog and cried until I fell asleep. Days later, when you're funeral had been arranged, everyone waited to see if I would be in attendance. When I showed up, I cried until the time our class performed the Camp Trillium song and then as we were leaving.
When Facebook was introduced, and I connected with old classmates, I instantly thought of you, and this time I speak of. I've never had a best friend since,but I have had and do have wonderful friends. In the many times I've packed up and moved, I've reflected and gotten so lost in thought, wondering what life would've been like for our friendship if you were still here. Now I'm 30 and days, weeks and months are rushing by so fast, it really makes me wonder and it scares me. I understand now why you chose to relocate when you did. I guess its also on my mind now that my failed reunion is coming to an end and I'm moving my way back to Simcoe. I know you're with me every step of the way and you've probably either cried, laughed or shook your head in disapproval over things I've said or done but its just not the same. Our friends have jobs, homes, families, children, and are doing well, and I am a complete mess with way too much reflection time!! I love you, Daina and always will. Best friends. <3 Until we meet again!!
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Ontario Ombudsman

Ontario Ombudsman André Marin is every bit the man behind his Twitter account. He has a wife, children, pets, suffers from asthma, and shares these bits of his life on his account, just as the millions of others who signed up for Twitter. Are his Twitter feuds simply because he can investigate some areas of the government and not all,or because of opinions or reports after meetings and investigations? It depends on who you ask. If you think you are phasing André, I'm here to say you aren't even close. I had the privilege of meeting him this past summer, and he is everything he sets out to be online. He genuinely cares about the wellbeing of all Ontarians. I know because I had a rough night before meeting him, and at 2am, believed nobody would respond to my tweets. Then he sent me a direct message. Because I knew his staff sometimes managed the account, I asked if it was him, and when he said it was,we chatted for a short time before signing off. I understand people are going to express themselves,which is fine, but before you tweet hurtful remarks to someone who could help if you are struggling with something his office has mandate to investigate, think about what you are saying and if it would impact future assistance from his staff. There is always room for open dialogue, and both André and the general population aren't shy at expressing, but I think, we all, me included, should try to find a way to get the point across without creating too much trouble. Yes we all know what we signed up for, but our use of social media has turned most into bullies and whether you are Ontario Ombudsman or not you need to have a level of tolerance if you refuse to have a level of acceptance.
(FTR: André did not ask me to do this article)

Dear Jack Layton

I realize you're gone, but I never had the opportunity to meet you. I also realize I shouldn't be writing this when stress has taken over me and my emotions are forming a lump in my throat. I always feel like I am whining so I hope this doesn't get the same treatment. I realize that you'll never read this, but I am sharing this online because I feel like it may get something accomplished though I'm not sure what. I've heard so much about you since watching your service. There are no words I could put together to best describe how watching your service impacted my life, and me personally. I'm so lost. How do you live a life where your biological,foster,adoptive, step adoptive parents,grandparents,aunts,uncles,some cousins,disown you for the person you are simply because you were ripped of culture from your birth mom?? I've tried everything. Walks, baths, reading, writing, watching tv, smashing plates, talking, amongst other things. They say to work for what you want, things don't come for free. When I moved to Toronto, I was forced into Toronto's homeless shelter system, where I got life lessons that sent me on the right path but those days were also hiding the abuse I endured from staff and residents, verbal,sexual,physical,emotional,spiritual are all that I endured even through my struggles with my addicted family members and their issues that impacted the innocent children of my younger sister. I'm sure you're not happy with my actions or the person I've become. But we both know I am not the only one to blame.
I cut ties with family to help myself and the kids better. It wasn't easy and remains a struggle today. I last participated in my community when they were still in my life so going back into the community is going to be hard but I'm hoping to give it a try. I took a trip to Simcoe last March and by May I decided I wanted to move but kept toying with pros and cons until August. This move means I'll be permanently walking away from the one thing I've wanted my whole life. Family. Letting go and change are and always have been my weakest points. With PTSD,OCDand eating disorder behaviors, I'm not sure how this will go so I am hoping a trip to the community will help. I don't have many people to just casually call and never get visitors. But I have had the opportunity to meet Ontario Ombudsman André Marin, Police Chief Bill Blair, Lieutenant Governor David Onley, Minister Eric Hoskins, MPP Toby Barrett, some city councillors including your son Mike. I shared how after your service, I scrambled to find a skirt, then material to do a bundle (I wanted orange for NDP). Then took what I had down to the 2 trees on the property I'd started caring for. I asked Creator to give me a sign that you made your journey safely. I didn't care if that meant a squirrel coming by or the wind blowing and before the tobacco tie was placed, a squirrel approached the tree just as the wind started blowing. I'm not sure why suddenly these memories are coming back but as much as I'd like you to think I'm grateful, unfortunately I'm in such a dark place and can't. I am on Team NDP. Don't get me wrong. I just need to step aside because my heart is temporarily misplaced. I worked hard for my community and was the number 7 tweeter for the Idle No More movement. I was proud of that. I got connected to an officer who knew a friend of my mom's. He saved me from suicide although I think he should've let me do it. They say they can't help until you yourself help you first. And although I usually know how, I never had someone to care for me. People tell me its too late, it'll never happen,to move on. I do respect you enough not to discuss workers. All I will say is that relationship is and will always be toxic. Every level of government has failed me, and my community. I would participate in events, meetings and travel to get heard, make a difference, but without balance, because I don't sleep, and my stress impacts my eating habits. And not in gaining weight either. I am hoping to make my dream of touring the Coca Cola place in Toronto. OMG, I've made this about me. Because I never knew you, this letter is awkward. I remember a time my life got dark, and on Christmas break, I took a knife and sliced my wrist and didn't flinch as the knife moved my veins. Workers did nothing but add to that distress. Nothing about that's changed, except the workers. I've tried everything humanly possible but no councillors are helping. I don't want to give up, but with my history of pill popping, slicing, and taking risks, its never a far from my mind kind of thought. I don't know what I did to earn this life. Its also sad when my mother is too mentally unstable and caught up in her addictions to realize I am not to blame for my existence. I remember taking to Twitter to tweet suicidal thoughts. It was around 2am. I didn't think anyone was paying attention if they were up. But as I was about to close it, I received a private message from André Marin, whom tweets personally unless noted so imagine my shock. That approach, and interaction sticks with me. City council,311, Ontario Ombudsman, Toronto Ombudswoman can't do anything for my situation and nobody has been willing to work to get balance,except Paul Ainslie although workers are arranging meetings last minute to try silencing me and excluding outsiders. This is not the NDP way. This is not the Jack Layton Way. And yet my worker worked on your campaign. They do, say, act however they wish without consequences but if I try, all hell breaks loose. But if I play the if you can why can't I card, more responsibilities are added to my already overflowing plate. All levels of government have disrespected you by allowing this treatment of Aboriginal people continue. I hope you are the reason we had inclement weather this summer and winter because for both I struggled with eating and getting by because nobody checked on me. I miss you despite not getting to know you. I trust only your guidance. Send me messages. I'll try to listen. But know that there'll be times of frustration and things may happen. (I think you're reading this because my song changed from Get Busy to Frozen by Madonna). Miigwetch Jack (tears are flowing!!)
Nadia Joy
@nadia_fordham on Twitter

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