What I Need For My New Bachelor Apt free from YWCA Toronto

1. Microwave and stand
2. Hangers
3. Spice rack
4. Garbage baskets
5. Dish washing rack
6. Shoe rack
7. Dark dark dark curtains
8. Desk chair and table
9. TV stand with place for DVDs and the DVD player
10. Small kitchen table with chairs

#KISI Packing Party at Nadia's

I AM MOVING ON FEBRUARY 27TH, 2015

AND YOU ARE INVITED TO HELP ME PACK UP MY APARTMENT!!!! 

DATES: SATURDAY FEB. 21, 2015
              WEDNESDAY FEB. 25, 2015

TIMES: SATURDAY 11-4, 4-9
                      WEDNESDAY 4-9

LOCATION: UNIT 203, 2 KINSDALE BLVD (STREETCAR TO HUMBER LOOP, TAKE 66 BUS TO BELL MANOR AND WALK DIRECTLY ACROSS THE STREET AND GO TO BACK ENTRANCE OR TAKE SUBWAY TO OLD MILL, CATCH THE 66A BUS TO STEPHEN DRIVE AND WALK BACK, CROSS ROAD TO THE BACK ENTRANCE TO BE LET INSIDE)

WE WILL HAVE PIZZA, POP, AND ICE CREAM TO CELEBRATE (THERE MAY EVEN BE SUPPLIES FOR SUNDAES!!!) 

IF YOU CAN RSVP BY FEB. 18TH, VIA TWITTER OR BY TEXTING 647-624-6997 I WOULD APPRECIATE IT

         

SHIT LIST JAN 27,2015

1. MINISTER OF HEALTH DR ERIC HOSKINS
2. MINISTER OF HEALTH DR ERIC HOSKINS
3. MINISTER OF HEALTH DR ERIC HOSKINS 
4. MINISTER OF HEALTH DR ERIC HOSKINS
5. MINISTER OF HEALTH DR ERIC HOSKINS
6. MINISTER OF HEALTH DR ERIC HOSKINS 
7. MINISTER OF HEALTH DR ERIC HOSKINS
8. MINISTER OF HEALTH DR ERIC HOSKINS
9. MINISTER OF HEALTH DR ERIC HOSKINS
10. MINISTER OF HEALTH DR ERIC HOSKINS

Things I Really Really Need

1. Clothes-seasonal, t shirts, sweaters, sweatshirts, pants, capris, khakis, skirts, long jean dress, colors blue black brown red beige grey and mixed, flannel, plaid
2. DVD's: Friends, Everybody Loves Raymond, We Were Children documentary, Roseanne, The Blind Side, What Lies Beneath, Shutter Island, Green Mile, Marley and Me, Selena, Angel Eyes, Titanic, Rookie Blue, The Family Stone, I Don't Know How She Does It, The Kardashians shows
3. Pots and Pans (I only have one too small pot and one frying pan)
4. Someone to fix my ereader with the books I like on it
5. Someone to download my favorite songs on to my ipod
6. Jewelry
7. New computer and desk

One Day I will have or had the opportunity of doing the following...

A cellphone with a reasonable plan to suit my needs and budget
Enough clothing for all seasons
Enough food to last longer than four days
A working television with Netflix
An upgraded computer
An Ipod full of my favorite songs
Tour the Toronto attractions
Complete my education and either volunteer or work part time in politics

My Painful Milestones

As many of you know, I moved to Toronto in 2007 to reunite with my biological family. If you know this you also know how well that didn't turn out. There were some good times, don't get me wrong. Like when I stayed one week in Toronto before moving because I reunited with my mom first and we spent the week connecting and creating memories. It was the two of us for the whole week. We went to Centre Island and we went to a market. We had a girls night with some of her friends and had a nice home cooked meal. I even bought Coca Cola and accidentally put it in the freezer to speed up the cooling process, went for a shower and forgot about the pop and grabbed it from the freezer and got a Coca Cola bath (I was wearing a white t shirt!!!) Or when I met my sister after being in a London shelter and she and my mom picked me up. We tortured the hell outta my mom!! That was when I met my niece for the first time. I also remember when both my mom and sister were sleeping the entire day and I was left to care for my niece not knowing anything about how to care for a baby!! We both survived!! I also remember when my sister told me she was pregnant with her second child. I remember the shopping trips to Orfus Road. I remember being her dancing partner while she was single and going to the bars. I remember going to my mom's house on February 20, 2009 and being asked to go into my mom's storage closet to take out the trash and opening the door to find my brother whom I hadn't met yet inside!!! I remember not being at the hospital for the birth of my firstborn nephew because my sister and I were fighting and I had just had eye surgery. I clearly recall the events of May 21, 2009. I had just got back to the shelter with my then boyfriend after a day out of the shelter because of staff meeting. I checked the message board, and noticed I had a message to call my mom (which NEVER happened!!) I was also told by staff that my mom had said that it was urgent and couldn't wait. Since the residents phone was taken away, I had to use a nearby payphone (Coffee Time up from Fred Victor shelter on Caledonia) I called my mom. She asked if I was sitting down. I asked why. Then asked if my sister had done something or if something was wrong with the kids. My mom said she wouldn't say until I was sitting down. Given that there was nowhere to sit, I lied and told her I was sitting (I was crouching). She then told me about my nephew's hospitalization. We spoke for a short time and once we finished, I couldn't even enter Coffee Time to wash my face from crying (also couldn't stop crying). So I headed back to the shelter and was almost hit by a car because I was still crying and unable to see anything. When I went inside, the staff left me alone. I went to the smoking area. I was the only one out there. I cried and cried. My boyfriend was told I was outside and that he should be with me. I didn't even hear him. All I felt was someone's arms around me. I looked back and buried my face in to his chest. It was because of this circumstance that the staff bent the rules for me. I went to my mom's on my birthday to keep my brother company and to do whatever I could to help.  I remember my brother (who,like me, is calm in emergency situations and does everything possible to help) and I being in frequent contact to help my mom who was at the hospital as Native Child had appointed her the supervisor to monitor my sister and my nephews father as well as family members which had to be approved first by Sick Kids hospital team. To this day, I still cannot find the words to describe what it was like walking into his room and seeing him hooked up to machines and whatnot. A traditional healer did a ceremony and he told my mom that my nephews spirit said he didn't want to be here. Those Sick Kid infomercials were right. And I truly believe that this tragic incident is what truly opened the door to the hidden truths that have destroyed our family. I was given access rights to visit my nephew after he was released and my mom and sister stopped showing up, back in September 2009. The "worker" at the time chose one visit to ask me about a violent fight that involved knives, while I was holding my nephew (her son) and after I mentioned the obvious, he was no longer allowed to supervise my visits. January 9, 2010, I self discharged from Fred Victor after being physically assaulted under surveillance by my roommate who was a druggie pretending to be deaf. I went to my mom's, and in her mental capacity she tried to pitch the idea of a lawsuit and because it was her idea she thought she should get half because she was caring for Caitlin, my niece. I tuned her out for awhile but when I finally spoke, I said no to her idea and was physically assaulted feet away from my niece's room (she had just been put to bed). A few weeks later, January 21, 2010, I was meeting with the "worker" at Native Child and in the lobby (it was busy with clients etc) he revealed at 1:30pm, the identity of my mom's drug dealers name to me. Instantly I felt like I was in one of those movies where you get bad news and suddenly everything stops. Its just you. Your legs feel like jello, you feel like your about to throw up, you feel dizzy, and you can't speak. You aren't even sure of where you are or who you are all while you feel like that abandoned child from 1983 waiting for your parents to pick you up but they never come. If that description isn't believable, why would the receptionist come over to me, give me kleenex and help me stand and upon standing, ask me if I needed her to call a cab because my legs were shaking uncontrollably. I still don't know how I managed to get back to the shelter. This news caused that reaction because when I first reunited with my mom,on August 3, 2007, my friend who drove me, stayed until I asked if she drank or did drugs because where I was living at the time said I couldn't stay if she said yes to either or both, and we now know she lied.
I was scheduled to go to a healing lodge in Barrie in October 2011. It was from October 23-28. Up until this point I was aunt, daughter and sister reporting to CAS doing their work and worrying about my niece's wellbeing on the subway travelling home after visiting. It was a routine. I was worried about how things would be while I was gone. I remember the Friday before I was scheduled to leave. I was sleeping and woke up sweating and panicked because I felt what I thought was someone with a good grip grabbing my arm and tugging it and crying and screaming and it sounded like it was a child. A female. I went to my group that morning which was conveniently at Native Child and couldn't focus. Sure enough on November 3, when I wanted to go to the bank I chose to go downtown to the one nearest Native Child and tried to not make eye contact when I spotted my sister outside the building. But no such luck. I was then told my niece had left my mom's unit by herself without telling anyone until her principal called, and she did this on October 21, 2011. After a civil but incredibly firm conversation with the new worker who was a female and had daughters of her own, we worked together and decisions were discussed and agreed upon being enforced. It was so bad that my mom thought her apartment walls had ears reporting to Native Child and I had to have permission to join her, my niece and a family friend for Thanksgiving Dinner. Once we had dinner, I told my mom to go walk up the street to where my sister was staying, to give her some dinner (my sister was banned from the property, I loved how I was the only child allowed in the building!!)while we cleaned up. She agreed. Upon cleaning and putting dishes away we discovered cock roaches in cereal containers amongst other concerns which I emailed the worker about once I returned home. The next morning I received an email and she informed my mom that I had reported her, but she still thought the walls had reported her. Over time, I kept being the insider for Native Child. Until December 25, 2011. A day that I will NEVER forget!! Keep in mind, during the time of my eye surgery recovery and my sisters then pending due date, my niece had come up to me practically ripping at my eye and grabbing on to my leg and arm for dear life (she has an amazing grip trust me!!!) and in that scared child like voice she said "Auntie, I'm scared" which in front of my own mom, I brushed off ( I still feel the guilt). So, knowing this piece, back to December 25. I was at home alone, no presents, no dinner with all the fixings and no decorations or visitors. I finally got out of my apartment for a walk around 4. When I returned, I had a voicemail on my home phone. It was my aunt calling me to tell me something happened with my mom and I needed to call her back. My first thought was "God, she can't even hold the drama on Christmas Day!! B****!!" and then I calmly called my aunt who told me that Toronto Police had apprehended my niece that morning. And upon returning my niece to my mom, my mom barely opened her door and upon the officer asking if the child was her granddaughter she said yes and then said that if she wanted to leave, my mom wasn't forcing her to be there and that she didn't want her there anyway, the officers placed my then 4 and a half year old niece (a spitting image of me at that age) in the back of their police cruiser to the emergency foster home until December 28 when Native Child reopened. I didn't eat, drink or sleep from December 25-28. Just as I tried to get sleep Native Child called asking me to come down to watch my niece while my mom was supposed to sign over guardian rights to my niece's father and his parents. When I got there I immediately demanded to see my niece. She came from the early years centre and normally she doesn't hug but this time she hugged and hard and wouldn't let go,which I thought was nice but then realized why it was happening. I took her aside after the adults said she wouldn't eat or talk. I commended her for her bravery. I thanked her for trusting me enough to ask for help. I told her that her suffering was almost over, she just needed to let the adults finish the rest but that she would not be going back to that awful place again. I then asked again if she trusted me to see this through and she said she did and so I asked her if she would eat with me and she and I ate pizza that my sister had brought while we were talking. Obviously my mom never showed. My niece had been dropped off by the foster parents at 8:30 and I arrived at 1:30 (it was short notice). My mom was supposed to be there at 1:30. We waited for hours. Finally the worker and her supervisor said court was the only option and as they were about to send my niece back to the emergency foster home, I argued that it made more sense for her to be with her dad and his family given the circumstances and because we all were positive they'd get custody anyway so that is exactly what happened. And on December 30, 2011, I met up with everyone outside 311 Jarvis and the judge agreed that she should stay with her dad and his parents with my mom not getting any access rights as well as my sister. I last saw Caitlin on September 30, 2012, Rose, Deidre and Jordon on April 20, 2013, Shane in December 2012, and Justin on August 11, 2014. I first spoke on the phone with Rose on July 21, 2007. We reunited August 3, 2007. I entered the Toronto shelter system on August 17, 2007 staying at Covenant House and then Touchstone (my favorite memory with my sister was her taking me back there and upon introducing me to the staff, they said "Oh my god!! I had no idea you and Deidre were sisters!!" my sister was gobsmacked!!)

Etobicoke Lakeshore Concerns

Although I may be moving in March,  I am weighing in on the topic of what Etobicoke Lakeshore residents may want or need because I've lived here for the past four years and I've seen quite a change in the services provided.

As a disabled First Nations woman, who is an ODSP recipient, has no family contact, and workers who have repeatedly failed me by not providing me with the essential support needed to make it on my own, I've been living in pure hell.

I like going for short walks around my area however, around Parklawn and the Queensway/Berry Rd, the lighting is deeply concerning. Which could explain previous incidents of sexual assaults.

There's also the staple Stonegate Plaza which closed last February and was demolished around May. I, along with many other people, are upset about this. It now means that people who can barely afford to pay rent, now have to buy groceries at the ever expensive Sobeys on the Queensway. While local councillor Justin Di Ciano assured me that a revised plaza is in the works, I still see people stopping by the scene and its a sad thing to watch. The elderly and the disabled are the ones who suffer from this poorly planned decision brought on by now local MPP Peter Milczyn.

We also have the ever loving TTC. The buses come every 20 minutes. In extreme cold weather situations, this is unacceptable. I am tired of the whole Scarborough transit discussion. It makes me sick. Where's the same discussion for Etobicoke??

Parklawn and Berry/The Queensway is apartment central. That makes me sick. Why?? Placing these people in units but not having anywhere within walking distance to get the support services they need is not exactly a brilliant move. And as a taxpayer, its even more sad that I have to point these things out.

While we're on it, the housing we currently have needs a good clean up. I shouldn't have to place my hand in the faucet to get the hot water to work. I shouldn't be coming into my building in complete darkness because the superintendent or building managers won't light the entry way. I also don't think any of the many other things I find wrong about my building should have to go right to the top before going through proper channels and being ignored. But when you're new into politics, as a disabled First Nations woman, its I guess just a part of reality.

More definitely needs to be done regarding the parking lot of the Sobeys plaza on the Queensway. Not only do drivers speed in and out, and yell at people who are obeying the law, and the lights there take forever.

Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women is one of my passions. At one point I was the #7 tweeter for #IdleNoMore. We've garnered a lot of support for these movements. I'm grateful for that. I just want to make sure that if there are any other First Nations people in Etobicoke Lakeshore, that by my sharing these concerns, they will be well represented after I leave.

I'm always offended by politicians sharing pictures of their events and formal gatherings with only those like them and not having seen one single politician host a similar gathering for the less fortunate.

For more examples of what Etobicoke Lakeshore residents may or may not want or need please see the blog posts I'm about to share.

@nadia_fordham
203-2 Kinsdale Blvd
Etobicoke, Ontario
M8Y 1T7
647-624-6997

Updated Things I Need For My Apartment

I really really really really really really need these things

Pots
Pans
Small table for keys/mail
Couch
Chairs
Coffee table
Throw pillows for couch
Artwork
Dishes-plates, glasses, mugs, bowls, serving platters
Toaster
Ice cube tray
Hand mixers
Can opener (wall)
Serving spoons
Shower caddy
Towels (blue, black, brown, and red)
TV trays

All Alone In The World

It's your world,  I just live in it. There's no med that can cure you because you can't be helped.

How many times does one have to hear crap like that before they take their own lives?? As someone who is a disabled First Nations woman, who struggles with eating disorder behaviors, has been disowned by her birth,  foster, adoptive and step adoptive families and who has tried for years to let her inner child out with each attempt failing miserably, I am tired of the same fight. The same discussion. The same struggles. The same rejection. The same excruciating hurt. The same doubts, guilt and second guessing of my decisions and everything else. I am tired of getting up out of bed each day to face a day of such toxicity, discrimination and fighting for acceptance, to be heard and acknowledged.

I have always said that I fight so hard because I don't want to become a First Nations statistic. I have always said that since I moved to Toronto, it's been my goal to break barriers for the Native community. But after a few recent incidents, I've come to the conclusion that a few people who were closest to me were misleading. And given their position, I am absolutely devastated by the developments in which I chose to end a "friendship". I say it that way because I thought he respected me and my culture and the situation I've been in. Clearly I was mistaken. But this simple puzzle piece could've been prevented had this person just communicated better. But its too late to go back. We've blocked each other.  I removed all of the contact information.

Some will say its my own fault. However, if you don't have the full story, you really can't have an opinion on this issue because without the full story you're basing your opinion on he said she said which doesn't help.

I grew up believing that if you tell someone that whenever they have a problem with something or someone you should always go to someone that respects you, who understands you and your situation, and who isn't just helping you because its their job. Clearly the '90's got it wrong.

I mean. Try waking up each morning happy and then you go out into the world and you're like the movie where everyone around you is blurry because they are moving around doing whatever it is that they do while you are just standing there alone trying to look happy through tears, healthy despite not eating or sleeping, normal when all the rage inside of you is just bubbling away ready to explode. People push past you without apologizing. They stare down at you or walk away while eyeing you in a negative way. They whisper. They laugh at you. This is my world.

I have a history filled with emotional and physical abuse. I struggle with eating disorder behaviors, obsessive compulsive disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, and extreme social anxiety disorder. I am First Nations. Not that I need to share this but I don't struggle with addictions to alcohol or drugs.

I know that those who support First Nations people won't say anything about the things I just mentioned. But I shared it because someone just went to the other side. And while I'm still trying to process everything, I felt like I should share my thoughts.

I've been thinking about life and the what ifs and just doing a lot of self reflections. And as someone who firmly believes in astrological signs, as a Gemini, my brain is on a constant workout, OCD style!! So if my Gemini twin personality is processing every single detail, and I am (so I'm told anyway. I don't believe it) a good hearted person, being a product of the government getting the crap knocked out of me figuratively speaking, the constant battles never end from within me as well as around me. Add in that I struggle with the effects of maternal deprivation syndrome and you have my entire 31 years of existence.

I'm open. Honest. Trustworthy. Independent. But not even those qualities make me apart of your society. Despite the fact that these are the most common qualities people look for in others. What does this say about the qualities we deem acceptable for our society?? Why are we so quick to judge before we get to know about someone?? Why is one race (actually I can think of two) not equally qualified for the same things as the other ethnic groups?? Did we choose our color of skin, our families, our religious beliefs, etc?? No. If you have experienced forms of abuse, is it your fault you have to struggle through the affects for years? The word acceptance shouldn't even be a word until we actually look within to find the true meaning of the word.

When someone reaches out to you no matter what your profession is and you simply direct them elsewhere,  even though you know their story, your actions or lack thereof are all that person is seeing. Choosing then to add your two cents while this person is struggling, adds more fuel to the fire. Choosing to erase could lead to unimaginable guilt. This is a high stakes road and the person struggling doesn't deserve to walk or fight it alone.

Shit List January 9, 2015

1 Councillor Paul Ainslie
2 Councillor Paul Ainslie
3 Councillor Paul Ainslie
4 Councillor Paul Ainslie
5 Councillor Paul Ainslie
6 Councillor Paul Ainslie
7 Councillor Paul Ainslie
8 Councillor Paul Ainslie
9 Councillor Paul Ainslie
10 Councillor Paul Ainslie

With NO chance of removal!!!

OPGT/Rogers/TV Jan6 2015

During the holidays, my tv died so I used my phone's data to watch  my shows because nobody that could help me out was working. I bought a new DVD player and DVD's after I bought some groceries that I thought would last me through the holidays. I made sure to inform my workers. After the holidays, I called the YWCA who agreed to a meeting and gave me a $10 food voucher for No Frills when Sobeys is the closest store to me after telling me that it was their last one and that it should do me until I get my allowance on Wednesday. If you have followed my struggles with YWCA you know that I was blamed for the lack of money and food. You also know that I was blamed for not asking for help despite the obvious fact that offices were closed. By my lawyer at Aboriginal Legal Services of Toronto. The office of the Ontario Ombudsman was called. Today I was told by my contact there that OPGT is reviewing my $510.74 Rogers bill which was a result of the tv dying and excessive usage of data while waiting for a tv and help from workers. During a holiday. Where offices were closed. Nobody was working.

SHIT LIST JANUARY 6, 2015

Until Toronto Public Health and Toronto's Chief Medical Officer have either issued an Extreme Cold Weather Alert or slept on the streets in these frigid temperatures,  all members of Toronto City Council will remain on my Shit List

1. Mayor John Tory
2. Councillor Paul Ainslie
3. Maria Augimeri
4. Ana Bailão
5. Michelle Berardinetti
6. John Burnside
7. Christin Carmichael Greb
8. Shelley Carroll
9. Raymond Cho
10. Josh Colle
11. Gary Crawford
12. Joe Cressy
13. Vincent Crisanti
14. Janet Davis
15. Glen DeBaermaeker
16. Justin DiCiano
17. Frank DiGiorgio
18. Sarah Doucette
19. John Filion
20. Paula Fletcher
21. Rob Ford
22. Mary Fragedakis
23. Cesar Palacio
24. Frances Nunziata
25. Ron Moeser
26. Denzil Minnan Wong
27. Joe Mihevc
28. Mary Margaret McMahon
29. Pam McConnell
30. Mark Grimes
31. Stephen Holyday
32. James Pasternak
33. Gord Perks
34. Jim Karygiannis
35. Anthony Peruzza
36. Norm Kelly
37. Jaye Robinson
38. Mike Layton
39. David Shiner
40. Chin Lee
41. Michael Thompson
42. Giorgio Mammoliti
43. Kristyn Wong Tam
44. Josh Matlow